You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
