Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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