I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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