9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
