Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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