Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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