ugly people sure do ruin things
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
