Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
