I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
porn star boner night. come get it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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