nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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