You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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