I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I look better un-naked...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
