Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
smell my finger.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
