I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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