you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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