Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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