But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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