found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
