she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
