So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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