All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
