they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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