I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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