i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
