try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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