great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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