I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
