I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
