I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
