No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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