I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
