I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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