i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
