Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He felt like a one man threesome
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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