I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
