he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
