I seem to have left my pride at pride
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
and she was petting her beer can
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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