can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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