like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
