Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
