he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
