i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
