is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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