It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
