My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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