screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
