I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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