stop calling my apartment porn island.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
