I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
