sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
