just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
