Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
