They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my being single is dangerous.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
