So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
