Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
